Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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