what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize