seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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