Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
