If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
