I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
