I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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