I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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