So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
