dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
