just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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