is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
