You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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