Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
