What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
