So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
