walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
