OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
