I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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