Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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