Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
