Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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