I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Randomize
