How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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