Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
