it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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