he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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