So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
