we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
