Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
