I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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