i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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