I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
