I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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