WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
