Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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