You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
