I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she smelled like a LAN party
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
