i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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