Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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