Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
