I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
