I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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