Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
