Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
