I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
