I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
two words: eviction party
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
