YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
