in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
