her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
