shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
