awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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