Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
