oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
