What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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