apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
