i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
