Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
