I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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