Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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