You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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