Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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