My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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