Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
