Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
