i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
