Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
