brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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