oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
