You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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