I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
