the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
