the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
